


Shine My Light, Bright and Clear

by barbitone



Series: Voltron Fanfiction [20]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, BAMF! Lotor (Voltron), Disguise, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Hand Jobs, Identity Reveal, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, POV Sendak (Voltron), Pining Sendak (Voltron), Secret Identity, Slow Burn, Soft Sendak (Voltron), Space Battles, Tournaments, Zarkon is a Good Dad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-10 21:51:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17434151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barbitone/pseuds/barbitone
Summary: The last thing Sendak wanted was to play babysitter to the young Prince Lotor, fresh from his studies on Altea and much too old to amount to anything as a Galra warrior. But of course, Prince Lotor quickly exceeded all his expectations, and before long Sendak found himself totally out of his depth.





	Shine My Light, Bright and Clear

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to s8 that gave us an alternate reality where Zarkon is a Good Dad, Sendak is a Sexy Soft Man, and Lotor grows up loved and cherished.
> 
> Thanks to the patron saint of Lodak, [Devils_Official](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Devils_Official/pseuds/Devils_Official) for betaing this for me!
> 
> If you liked the fic, please comment ;)

 

* * *

 

Zarkon was beaming as he walked towards the hangar, overcome by joy. His strides were so long and fast that Sendak struggled to keep up with him, and he had a feeling that if it wouldn’t be completely unseemly he’d be running.

“It’s a pleasure to see you so happy, Emperor Zarkon,” Sendak said, slightly out of breath. He hadn’t seen Zarkon smiling like this in a long time. He’d taken the death of his wife hard, and after the- _imposter_ had shown up and nearly destroyed all of them he’d fallen back into grief even harder than before.

“And why should I not be happy on this most glorious day?” Zarkon asked, his voice rich and practically trembling with excitement.

And then they were at the doors to the hangar and walking inside to see the small transport ship already being unloaded, with the Princess of Altea standing before it, smiling as she talked to Prince Lotor. He’d grown significantly since Sendak had seen him last, he was seventeen now, or maybe eighteen? He looked healthy and flushed with happiness, a boy on the cusp of manhood.

He looked up as they came in and his eyes widened.

“Father!” he exclaimed as Zarkon strode over to him and wrapped him up in his arms, lifting him up and spinning him around.

“My son,” Zarkon said. “It’s been much too long.”

“Father- set me down!” Lotor said with a laugh even as he tightly wrapped his arms around Zarkon’s neck.

“I will not,” Zarkon said firmly as Lotor kicked his feet ineffectually in the air. “Now that you’ve returned I’ll never let you go again.” He shifted his grip to sling the boy over his shoulder as Lotor laughed harder. “I’ll carry you around with me, just like this. So you’ll always be with me.”

“Father!” Lotor protested, gasping for breath through his laughter. “Father- this is undignified!”

“How dare you accuse your Emperor of being undignified?” Zarkon asked with mock seriousness. “Come, we have much to talk about. I’ve missed you so much, my little bean.”

“Father!” Lotor complained as Zarkon turned and walked away, still holding him.

“Get used to it, my bean.”

“I’m not a bean!”

And then they were gone.

Princess Allura laughed after them. “Is he always like that?”

“Never,” Sendak said. “Welcome, Princess. I’m here to show you to your rooms, the sentries will bring your things.”

He offered her his arm and she took it with a graceful curtsy. They left the hangar in a significantly more dignified manner than Emperor Zarkon and Prince Lotor before them, and Sendak did his best to be the gracious host even as he felt entirely out of his depth. He was a warrior and a Commander, he wasn’t used to playing nice with foreign royals.

“Hopefully hosting our Prince Lotor wasn’t too much of an imposition on you and your people,” Sendak said awkwardly.

“Certainly not,” Princess Allura said with a smile. “He’s been a perfect pupil to me. He’s clever and quick to learn, he’s picking up the concepts of Altean Alchemy faster than others his age. Though I’m sure you’ll find out for yourself soon enough- I hear you’re to train him now.”

“In combat, yes,” Sendak said. He tried not to sound disgruntled. He hadn’t exactly been pleased to be pulled from his command and his fleet to come here to be a glorified nursemaid to the prince, who was already much too old to be starting his training. He’d heard Prince Lotor had trained with the Alteans but he had a low view of their methods. He doubted the boy would be able to keep up with a true Galra regiment, especially with how _small_ he was.

“I’m sure you’ll be quite pleased,” Princess Allura said.

“Yes,” Sendak said. He already wasn’t.

“When do you begin?”

“In the morning,” he said.

“Would it be awfully bold of me to offer you a word of advice?” Princess Allura asked.

“Of course not, Princess.”

“Do not underestimate him,” she said with a smile, “or else he’ll make it his life’s work to prove you wrong and he can be quite- persistent. Impossible, even.”

“Thank you,” Sendak said slowly. The advice was more helpful than he’d thought it would be- he suddenly knew exactly how he would handle his charge.

 

* * *

 

Sendak walked out into the training yard to see Prince Lotor already waiting there, wearing a lightly-padded training jumpsuit and holding a longsword.

“Commander Sendak,” he said with a shallow bow. “It is a pleasure to meet you and an honor to be your student.”

“Prince Lotor,” Sendak said, glaring down at him. “Let’s start with the basics.”

“Commander Sendak, if I may-” Lotor said, blushing a little as he drew himself up to his full height like that was supposed to be intimidating. He was so tiny it was almost humorous. “I have already been through the basics, I received combat training on Altea-”

“Not Galra training,” Sendak cut him off. “I doubt you can amount to much, but even so my Emperor bids me to train you so here I am.”

Lotor glowered at him, blushing harder in anger.

“I already know you will disappoint me, so if you’d like to quit now you’ll save us both some time.”

“I do not _quit_ ,” Lotor said angrily. “And I do _not_ disappoint.”

“Fine,” Sendak said with a sigh. “Show me your fighting stance.”

Lotor did as he asked, setting his feet and bringing up his sword. It wasn’t bad. It was certainly a form favored by the Alteans rather than what the Galra taught, but it was more appropriate to his size and he’d planted his feet solidly. He was holding his sword with confidence, tightly enough that he wouldn’t be disarmed, yet not so tightly he couldn’t react quickly if he needed to shift his grip.

Sendak walked around him, examining him consideringly. “Wider,” he said, kicking Lotor’s back foot further out to the side. “Your elbow, here-” Sendak took Lotor’s right elbow and adjusted it slightly. He really wished there was more for him to critique but there wasn’t. “Now stay there.”

“For how long?” Lotor asked.

“Until I say you can stop,” Sendak said and left the training yard to get some breakfast.

He opened the security feed on his gauntlet to keep an eye on Prince Lotor, glancing over every so often to see he was scowling and maybe- muttering under his breath?- and yet still standing there just as Sendak had left him. Ten minutes passed, and then ten more. Sendak watched curiously as he ate.

This was a commonly used Galra tactic to get the measure of a student. Most stopped a few minutes after their teacher left, thinking no one would be the wiser. Some persevered, but eventually they got bored or tired and gave up, usually around ten or fifteen minutes in. Even the strongest and most determined students didn’t last past half an hour or so. Sendak himself had given up after thirty five minutes, his whole body aching and his sword arm on fire as he decided it had all just been a cruel joke.

Lotor’s arm was shaking visibly now, his other hand in a tight fist at his side. The clock had almost ticked towards forty minutes when he drove the sword into the ground with a wince and stretched. He kicked at the sand furiously, pacing around the blade for a few minutes as he shook out his arm. It was impressive that he’d lasted so long, he was clearly stronger than he looked. He crouched down, cradling his head in his hands, and then he took a few deep breaths and stood.

Sendak’s eyes widened in surprise as Lotor picked up the sword again and returned to his stance, perfect down to the corrections Sendak had made. He’d never seen anyone do that before.

Huh.

 

* * *

 

Lotor continued to surprise him and Sendak found a begrudging respect growing within him for the young prince. He fought not to let it show. Lotor seemed to respond well to criticism, taking it as a challenge to do better, and it was a challenge he always met head on.

They’d been training for over two months before Sendak slipped up.

He’d been trying to teach Lotor a fairly advanced move to disarm an opponent and they’d been at it for hours. He could see the Prince was exhausted, and yet after each failed attempt he only sighed and moved back to the starting point instead of asking for a break even though he clearly needed one.

It was past dinner time before Sendak realized Lotor would just- keep going until he drove himself into the ground.

“Again,” Lotor said, running his free hand through his hair in frustration.

“No,” Sendak said. “That’s enough for today, you’ve done well.”

Lotor froze, his eyes widening. “What?” he breathed out.

“You’ve done well,” Sendak repeated slowly, realizing he’d never said it before.

Lotor blushed bright red down to the roots of his white hair and Sendak smiled down at him, dropping a hand to squeeze his shoulder reassuringly. “Rest tomorrow, you’ve earned it. We will resume the day after.”

“I- thank you, Commander Sendak,” Lotor stuttered. He’d never stuttered before, and it was unbearably endearing.

Sendak found himself smiling as he went to the dining hall for a late dinner. When they resumed their sessions Lotor was even more determined than before and Sendak realized he’d been doing this all wrong.

Lotor responded well to criticism, that much was true. He was driven to prove himself, to prove Sendak wrong. But he _craved_ praise, it made him shine like the sun, made him bloom like a flower. As soon as Sendak started peppering praise into his training, careful not to overdo it so that it wouldn’t lose its potency, the rate of Lotor’s progress practically doubled.

It left Sendak breathless, that this tiny slip of a thing could be so competent and strong, so capable. He was the best pupil Sendak had ever had and he soon found himself looking forward to their sessions.

As the weeks slipped past they somehow ended up spending time together outside of their training. Sometimes Lotor would find him in the dining hall and stop to chat, holding his tray of quickly cooling food until Sendak got annoyed and told him to just _sit down_ and eat while Lotor grinned at him widely. Sometimes Sendak would walk by Lotor’s sessions with Princess Allura and be drawn into watching as they manipulated quintessence and did… whatever magic it was they did with crystals and ancient-looking tablets. Lotor’s eyes would glow oddly then and he seemed so ethereal and powerful that Sendak had to look away, flustered as he left and not quite sure why.

Somehow Lotor always seemed to be there, clever and ridiculous and _smiling_ at him. Sendak felt his world shifting underneath his feet and he couldn’t quite figure out why or how, and when he finally did he wished he hadn’t.

They’d been sparring together late one evening when Lotor finally successfully disarmed him.

“Very good,” Sendak said with a grin and Lotor faltered, blushing. Sendak couldn’t let him just _win_ , couldn’t let him think he’d really gotten the better of his teacher, at least not yet, and so he took advantage of Lotor’s hesitation and slipped past his guard to grab his wrist, squeezing in a way that made the young man drop his sword.

He had a different teacher for hand to hand combat, one that was worse than Sendak, and he wasn’t prepared when Sendak twisted his arm behind his back and forced him to his knees in the sand. He gasped and closed his eyes as Sendak wrapped his other hand around his throat, breathing hard as he sagged into Sendak’s hold.

“That was very good, but not good enough, little Prince,” Sendak said fondly into his ear and Lotor _shivered_ as his lips parted around a sigh and that was when Sendak knew-

His blood ran cold and he stepped back as if he’d been burned. Lotor was aroused, Sendak could smell it on him even as he got himself together and stood, facing away as he picked up his sword and ran a hand through his hair.

“Perhaps next time then,” Lotor said casually, but he was still blushing when he turned around, his pupils wider than usual.

“Perhaps,” Sendak forced himself to say. If Lotor could pretend nothing was going on, Sendak could at least pretend he hadn’t noticed.

“Again?” Lotor asked.

“That’s enough for today,” Sendak said. “It’s late, you’d better get some rest, Prince Lotor.”

Lotor frowned at him uncertainly and Sendak wanted to kick himself; he hadn’t addressed Lotor by his full title in months.

“Thank you,” Lotor said, and Sendak all but ran out of the yard.

 

* * *

 

Sendak fought not to wring his hands as he stood outside of Emperor Zarkon’s chambers, waiting to be let in. When the door finally opened he had to steel himself with a deep breath before walking in.

“Sendak,” Emperor Zarkon said, “would you care to join me for a drink?”

He was sitting in a comfortable lounge chair beside the roaring fire, drinking whiskey from an elegant glass. Sendak just wanted to get this over with, he didn’t want to be here long enough for a drink even as he wondered if it might help steady his nerves.

“Come,” Zarkon said, pouring him a glass and motioning to the other chair as Sendak stepped forward. “What did you want to speak to me about?”

Sendak sat and gulped down the contents of the glass before setting it down on a small end table, wincing at the burn as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “Sire, I don’t think I should train Prince Lotor any longer.”

“Oh?” Zarkon asked, frowning. “Is my son not performing to your satisfaction?”

Sendak flushed and looked away. “No, he- he’s doing quite well. That’s not- that’s not why I’m here.”

“And why are you here, Sendak? Why are you asking to leave the post I specifically assigned to you?”

“I- Prince Lotor is- he-” Sendak winced. “I believe he may be- infatuated with me. I don’t think it would be appropriate for us to continue under these circumstances.”

Zarkon sighed. “Yes, I know.”

“You _know_?” Sendak asked in surprise.

“I have _eyes_ , Sendak,” Zarkon said wryly. “I’ve known for weeks, most everyone in the palace has. Everyone but you, it seems.”

“You’re not angry?” Sendak asked.

“Why should I be angry with you over something outside your control? Why should I be angry with either of you?”

“Thank you for your understanding, Sire. I can recommend a number of replacements-”

“No,” Zarkon said firmly, pouring Sendak another drink. “I would prefer to keep things as they are.”

“Sire?” Sendak asked in confusion, numbly taking the glass he was being offered.

“I understand this may be uncomfortable for you, and I am sorry for that. However-” Zarkon looked off into the distance thoughtfully. “My son is quite dear to me, and he is… difficult. He always hated to fight, always resisted his lessons. He wanted to be an engineer, an explorer, a scientist- and he may yet be any of those things, but first he must be a warrior.

“I live in fear of the day that someone or something comes for him again, and since I cannot be here to protect him forever he must learn to protect himself. I’ve never seen him make progress so quickly, go so eagerly to his combat lessons. If his little- crush, or infatuation, or whatever it is- is the reason he’s finally excelling then so be it.”

“I see,” Sendak said slowly, drinking in a stupor.

“Besides, Commander,” Zarkon said. He was still smiling but there was something like a threat in his eyes and Sendak shivered. “I’m sure I can trust you to act with honor towards my boy.”

“Of course, Emperor Zarkon,” Sendak said and resigned himself to his fate.

 

* * *

 

Now that he knew he found himself second guessing everything. Things that had seemed innocent before- putting his hand on Lotor’s shoulder to reassure him, taking him by the wrist or waist to adjust his stance, even eating beside him in the dining hall- suddenly took on a new significance.

Sendak couldn’t help pulling back from him, afraid to encourage his affections, and something in Lotor… _wilted_. He didn’t smile as much during their training sessions and his progress slowed. He didn’t seek Sendak out as much either, and Sendak found himself missing the little Prince even as he fought to stamp the feeling down. This was better, he told himself even as he wasn’t sure that was true.

It all came to a head when Sendak was going over some proposed battle plans on his datapad as he sat in the gardens. He was so engrossed in the task that he didn’t hear the approaching footsteps, and when he felt a familiar hand descend on his shoulder he flinched.

He hadn’t meant to do it, hadn’t meant to be so obvious about it at least. When he looked up into Lotor’s eyes he couldn’t decipher the expression on the young man’s face.

“Lotor,” he said, trying for a casual tone.

“Do you really find me so repulsive that you must flinch from my touch?” Lotor asked coldly and Sendak felt the bottom drop out of his stomach.

“What?” he asked, dumbfounded. “No- Prince Lotor-”

“Is it because I’m a halfbreed?” Lotor demanded.

“Why would you use such a term?” Sendak asked in shock. “Did someone call you that? Tell me who and I’ll-”

“I’m not a fool, I know what they say about me,” Lotor interrupted. “They say I’m weak, tainted, _cursed_. They say it’s my fault that witch came here and nearly destroyed us all. But I thought you- I really thought you- I-” Lotor sighed sharply and looked away, hunching in on himself. “I need to- I’m needed elsewhere.”

“Lotor, wait-” Sendak called after him, but he was already gone.

He dreaded their training session the next morning, wondering if Lotor would even show up- but of course he was there right on time as usual even though he looked as though he hadn’t slept all night.

“Lotor, I’m sorry,” Sendak tried.

“Let’s not speak of it,” Lotor cut him off and moved into his fighting stance, barely waiting for Sendak to raise his sword before he attacked.

He fought with a fury Sendak had never seen in him before, his strikes fast and harder than ever, even as he grew increasingly sloppy. He was breathing harshly, biting at his lip to try and hold back his grunts of exertion. This was dangerous- he wasn’t in control and if he’d been fighting anyone less skilled than Sendak he could have gotten seriously hurt, either of them could have.

“Lotor, stop,” Sendak ordered but Lotor just gritted his teeth and kept attacking.

Sendak knew he needed to end this, _now._ He disarmed Lotor with a well-timed strike, but the young man just growled and came at him with a punch.

“Lotor,” Sendak bit out, stepping back out of his reach. But he was still _coming_ , his lips curled into a grimace, his eyes shining suspiciously. At the next punch Sendak tossed his sword to the sand and grabbed Lotor’s wrist to yank him closer, pulling him hard to his chest before wrapping his arms around him like a vise, keeping his arms pinned to his sides. “ _Stop_.”

Lotor fought to break free but Sendak just held him tighter and eventually he gave up, shaking in Sendak’s arms.

“I don’t find you repulsive,” Sendak said quietly and his heart broke at Lotor’s muffled sob. Now that he wasn’t trying to escape anymore Sendak took a chance and loosened his grip, raising one hand to cradle the back of Lotor’s head. “Quite the opposite. You’re- amazing, and clever, and strong, and beautiful.”

“Then- then _why_ -”

“I know how you feel about me,” Sendak said, his heart racing. “I know, and I- you know this can’t happen, you know that, right?”

“But I love you,” Lotor whispered.

_Love?_

“Oh Lotor,” Sendak said carefully. “You may think so now, but you’re- you’ve just turned nineteen. Your life is just beginning, you’ll have so many other loves, hopefully people who are more… age appropriate.”

“But I love _you_ ,” Lotor insisted, pulling back a little so he could look up into Sendak’s face. “I’m not a child, I’m not being foolish- I love you. And I’ll prove it.”

Sendak sighed, wiping the tears off Lotor’s cheeks before stepping back from him. There was such a look of determination in his eyes and Sendak didn’t quite know what to do, what else he could say.

“You have nothing to prove,” he settled on at last. “Why don’t you go get some rest, you look like you could use some sleep. We can resume tomorrow, or if you’d prefer I can find you a different teacher-”

“No,” Lotor said, and despite his red-rimmed eyes and disheveled hair he was smiling. “I don’t want anyone else, just you. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

 

* * *

 

Sendak was expecting things to grow awkward between them, but now that everything was out in the open the very opposite happened. He’d been expecting Lotor to try and seduce him, pursue him, but Lotor made no move to do so. Instead he just seemed settled and calm and their lessons resumed as usual, they returned to something like an easy camaraderie.

If anything that only made Sendak more nervous. Lotor wasn’t the type to give up on something he wanted, this peace was bound to be temporary. He almost certainly had some sort of plan, he always did.

And then the Uq’ud launched a raid on an outlying province of the Empire. Zarkon ordered Sendak and his fleet to their defense and his time together with Lotor came to an abrupt end.

The night before he was to leave he wasn’t surprised at the knock on his door, his heart beating fast as he went to open it. Lotor stood on the other side, pale and afraid, and Sendak knew he shouldn’t but he couldn’t just leave him out there like that, so he stepped aside and let Lotor walk into his room.

“I wanted to see you before you left,” Lotor said quietly. “I wanted to give you this-”

He held out a necklace, a small softly glowing crystal on a delicate gold chain.

“I won’t accept a courting gift from you, you know that,” Sendak said.

“It’s not a courting gift, it’s a going away gift,” Lotor said, drawing himself up to his full height. Suddenly he seemed the very image of a prince, power and authority practically rolling off him as he stared Sendak down. “You _will_ accept it, and you _will_ wear it- always.”

“Lotor,” Sendak said carefully.

“You will obey your prince,” he said, his eyes flashing angrily. And then he looked down and he was just Lotor again, young and scared. “I made it myself,” he said quietly. “The crystal contains concentrated quintessence, a healing energy almost like a spell. If you should ever- if gods forbid- if you were to be mortally wounded it should activate to heal you. It could save your life, Sendak, so you’ll wear it for both our sakes.”

“Alright,” Sendak said at last, taking the necklace from his hand. “Thank you.”

Lotor licked his lips nervously before looking up at him again. “Can I sleep here with you tonight? Just- just to sleep. I won’t- I won’t try anything, I promise.”

“I really don’t think that would be wise,” Sendak said.

“Please,” Lotor breathed out. “Please- I won’t be able to sleep otherwise. What if you don’t come back? Please just let me have this, just this once.”

It was a bad idea, Sendak knew it was, but how could he say no to the way Lotor was looking at him? He nodded almost imperceptibly and Lotor smiled weakly before moving to the bed and climbing in under the blankets.

“Just this once,” Sendak said. “Just to sleep.”

He lay down beside him and wasn’t surprised when Lotor curled into him, pressing his face up against his chest.

“It’s going to be alright,” Sendak said softly, wrapping his arms around the young man as he shivered. “I’m going to be alright. You don’t have to worry, I’ll be back soon.”

“You’d better,” Lotor whispered and held on tighter.

 

* * *

 

The conflict stretched on and on. A year passed, then two, and still there was no end in sight. At the three year mark Emperor Zarkon recalled Sendak’s fleet to Daibazaal so they could have a month of rest, and Sendak couldn’t help the sense of excitement he felt at stepping on solid ground again, at returning to his homeland and, perhaps, to Lotor.

He was fully expecting Lotor to greet him in the hangar, but it was only Emperor Zarkon there waiting to welcome his troops home. Maybe that meant the young man’s infatuation with him had faded, after all- it had been three years since they’d spoken to or seen each other. Sendak told himself it was a good thing even though he was suddenly unbearably disappointed.

Nearly a week passed and still Lotor hadn’t come to see him and Sendak wondered if he was being snubbed. He’d thought at least he would come by and say hello, they were friends of a sort, weren’t they? Finally he couldn’t take it anymore and he mentioned it to Zarkon during one of the feasts he threw for his warriors.

“Lotor is gone, he left almost as soon as you did,” Zarkon said mildly.

“What?” Sendak asked. “Left where?”

“He declared it was time for him to see the universe for himself,” Zarkon said.

“And you _let_ him?” Sendak demanded, forgetting to watch his tone for a moment as he was overtaken by shock and dismay.

“Let him?” Zarkon laughed. “If it were up to me he’d stay here by my side until I grow old and gray, but you know how he is. Once he sets his mind on something there’s no stopping him. He’s been running wild through the Empire for the past two and a half years, but he’s somewhere further out now. I used to get reports every so often from Commanders who’ve had run ins with him but now I have to wait until he deigns to call every few weeks or so. He’s terrible, I’m going mad.”

“Is he alright?” Sendak asked. “Is he safe?”

“He was when I spoke to him last, two days ago. He sends his regards.”

“I see,” Sendak said, looking down to his plate. “Well… when you speak to him again, please tell him I said hello.”

“Hmm,” Zarkon said, his expression unreadable, and that was the end of it.

 

* * *

 

Sendak returned to the front and another year passed before he awoke to a message from an unidentified comm signature. He opened the message slowly, hoping-

There was a long moment of silence, so long that Sendak worried perhaps the message was blank, and then a quiet sound like the parting of lips before someone got ready to speak, and-

 _“Hello, Sendak,"_ came Lotor’s unmistakable voice. His voice was deeper than it had been the last time he’d heard it four years ago, low and rich. He was a man grown now, and there was no denying it.

 _“Father said he was tired of playing messenger boy- his words, not mine,”_ he chuckled quietly before he continued. _“He said if I wanted to know how you were doing I’d better ask you myself, and he gave me your comm signature. So here I am, asking.”_

Sendak’s hand rose unconsciously to take hold of the pendant he wore around his neck, his grip tightening until the crystal was biting painfully into his palm.

_“Are you there, Sendak? Is it a sleep cycle where you are? Maybe you’re busy. I hope not, but… I’ll only be here for another hour, so please answer.”_

_“Sendak?”_

_“Perhaps I’ll tell you how I am, while I wait. I’m quite well- the universe is vast and beautiful, I’ve seen so many wonderful things. Before you ask- yes, I’m doing my sword drills, and my exercises. Sometimes I think that’s the only thing keeping me sane. I’ve never been in space this long, time seems to stretch on and on with no end and no beginning, and always there’s darkness. How do you bear it?”_

Sendak listened with bated breath, his heart in his throat.

 _“I’m not alone, but sometimes, too often, I feel-”_ Lotor broke off and Sendak could hear him licking his lips nervously. There was silence and he thought the message was over, but then there was a faint click and Lotor spoke again.

_“I have to go, but I hope you’re well, Sendak.”_

_“I miss you.”_

Sendak felt strange, like his limbs were full of lead and simultaneously like he was floating. He tried to call the number back only to find out it belonged to some middle-of-nowhere repair station at least five sectors outside Galra controlled space and Lotor was already long gone.

The next time Lotor called Sendak was in the middle of a battle and it wasn’t until hours later and he was lying in bed that he got the chance to listen to the message.

_“Hello, Sendak. Looks like I missed you again- what rotten luck. But I suppose it’s to be expected, I know how busy you must be.”_

_“I’m doing quite well. I’ve made some new friends, maybe you’ll meet them someday. I discovered a fascinating new material- I’ve decided to call it Luxite. It has interesting properties, it’s like something between solid matter and pure energy.”_

_“I had a run-in with a weblum two weeks ago, it vaporized my ship and destroyed all my favorite books!”_ Lotor laughed and Sendak couldn’t help smiling like a fool in response. _“Don’t tell father! He’ll tell me I’m being reckless but I’m not, I swear. I’m building a Teleduv and I needed scaultrite but I miscalculated how quickly the weblum could fire its energy beam. I won’t make that mistake again, I promise.”_

_“I have to go now, but I’ll try you again when I can. Goodbye, Sendak.”_

Sendak didn’t hear from him again for months, and when he did it wasn’t through a message but a package. He opened it slowly to find a tunic made out of an odd shining metal that glistened in the light and felt like water running over his hands. Below the tunic was the finest blade he’d ever seen, perfectly balanced with a grip that felt so right in his hand it was as though it had been made just for him. When he opened the note he realized it had been.

_Hello, Sendak,_

_Do you remember the Luxite I mentioned? I figured out how to forge it, it’s stronger and sturdier than any metal or alloy I’ve seen before, certainly better than anything you have in your armory. Just try and destroy or damage it- I dare you._

_If there was enough raw material I’d supply your whole crew, but alas- this is all I can do at present. I hope they serve you well._

_-Lotor_

Sendak wore the tunic under his armor and carried the sword on his belt. He wished he could get in touch with Lotor, to thank him or even to just talk to him, but he never stayed in one place or ship for long, he always called from a different number.

Sometimes he sent gifts, always it was something practical that Sendak couldn’t turn away. Sometimes he sent intelligence, or specifications for new technologies, enhanced shield and weapons frequencies. He sent Sendak schematics for a new type of particle barrier and it was the only thing that saved his fleet from being destroyed in a surprise attack a month later.

The conflict with the Uq’ud escalated into full-blown war and Zarkon sent him five more fleets to command. Between the constant battles and the headache of managing such a large force, all Sendak could do was try and sleep whenever he had a moment to spare.

He always missed Lotor’s calls and slowly they dropped off in frequency. And then Lotor called for the last time.

Sendak woke to see seventeen missed calls from an unknown number, and only the last had a corresponding message.

 _“Hello, Sendak,”_ Lotor said quietly. _“I’m sorry for all the calls. I didn’t want to worry you, I’m just- I just needed to hear your voice, even if it’s just your outgoing message. I hope you’re well.”_

He sighed heavily and there was a long moment of silence.

_“I miss you.”_

 

* * *

 

Sendak jerked awake to alarms and hurried to get dressed before running to the bridge. “What’s-”

“It’s an ambush, Commander!” Lieutenant Haxus bit out. “We’re outgunned, they’re everywhere-”

Sendak stared in horror at all the Uq’ud ships surrounding his fleet. Lotor’s enhanced shield frequencies were holding but only just, the Uq’ud were modulating their weapons with each hit to try and break through. 

“Fire the zaiforge cannon, fire everything,” Sendak ordered. It was useless, but what else could he do? The Galra way was victory or death. He brought his hand up to his neck, resting it over the pendant Lotor had given him as he tried to gather his courage. He only wished he could have talked to him one last time.

“Sir- there’s an unknown friendly on the field,” Haxus said in surprise.

“What? _Who_?”

“There-” Haxus said, bringing it up on screen. It was a mid-size ship of a design like Sendak had never seen before, clearly Galra but with integrated technology from at least half a dozen other races.

“Designation- Captain Lorak of the Sincline, an exploration-class vessel.”

“Tell him to get the fuck out of here! This is a war zone!”

“He’s not answering our hails, sir,” Haxus said.

Some of the Uq’ud ships turned to fire on the Sincline and Sendak could have _sworn_ the energy beams connected but the vessel just seemed to phase in and out of space and flew past completely unscathed. It launched some sort of probe into the thickest part of the enemy ships that began to glow a bright ominous blue.

There was a message coming through the comms, an updated shield frequency.

“Sir, the message has an Imperial stamp, I think he was sent here by Emperor Zarkon himself.”

“Alright,” Sendak said. “Alright, do as he says, update the shield frequency.”

He watched as his shields rippled and began to glow blue, and then the probe exploded and-

“This crazy asshole just opened a fucking singularity in the middle of the battlefield,” Haxus breathed out.

Sendak could only stare as the enemy ships were pulled inside as the updated shield frequency somehow kept his fleets safe.

“For fuck’s sake- get back!” Sendak ordered. “Order all units to get back!”

The Uq’ud ships were panicking, firing wildly at anything, at his armada, at each other. One of them launched a nuclear missile and the explosion rocked through everyone on the field. Sendak was thrown back as the world whited out around him, alarms were blaring everywhere as he tried to force himself up, holding on to the weapons console.

There was another blast and the console exploded as he was leaning against it. There was a shock of pain and suddenly he was enveloped in a warm blue light. Afterwards there was only darkness.

 

* * *

 

He dreamed of cool hands and warm purple eyes, he dreamed of long white hair brushing his face.

He dreamed of Lotor’s voice filling the room, low and rich.

_“Hello, Sendak.”_

 

* * *

 

Sendak came to in his ship’s medbay. He felt numb and woozy, and underneath it all something like fire raging through him. His vision was blurry and he tried to raise his hands to rub at his temples but his right arm felt so heavy, and his left-

He turned his head and was filled with nausea to see there was nothing there but a bandaged stump. His left arm was gone. He closed his eyes and looked away, breathing slow and deep through his nose to try and hold back the vomit.

He remembered the explosion, remembered feeling certain that he was about to die. How-

Despite how tired and sick he felt he forced himself to raise his hand to his throat. The only thing there was a faintly throbbing burn mark. Lotor’s necklace was gone. Sendak felt oddly naked without it and he couldn’t help looking for it, turning his head to see it lying on the nightstand beside him. The crystal was dark and cracked, the chain blackened and the links melted together. There was a small box next to it, wrapped up neatly with a gold ribbon.

Sendak’s throat was dry, his mouth tasted foul. And yet he reached past the glass of water waiting for him and took the box instead, pulling the ribbon open with his teeth. There was no note but he didn’t need one to know who it was from. He opened the box to see a crystal on a gold chain, just like the last.

He couldn’t fasten it around his neck one handed so he wrapped it around his wrist instead, holding the crystal tight in his fist as he was dragged back towards sleep.

He woke again to the sound of the door to the medbay opening and he was suddenly absolutely certain that Lotor was about to walk in, but it was only Haxus.

“Commander Sendak,” Haxus said respectfully before coming over to sit beside him.

“Haxus,” Sendak croaked out and his Lieutenant reached for the glass of water to help him drink. It was heavenly and he gulped the whole thing down before he felt strong enough to speak again. “What happened?”

“We suffered heavy casualties, but the Uq’ud were completely annihilated. They’re suing for peace.”

“And the Sincline? Captain-”

Haxus laughed. “Captain Lorak stayed for a few weeks to help repair our ships before leaving. He’s a crazy fucker- he jumped right into an overheating engine to stop a core overload like it was nothing.”

“And his- his troops?”

“What troops?” Haxus asked with a smirk. “He travels with four women- a warrior, an engineer, a technician, and-” he broke off with a laugh. “I don’t even know what the fourth one is, a pirate if I had to guess. I’m pretty sure she stole some of our battery coils.”

“Strange,” Sendak muttered, turning away. “Did you get security footage of him and his people?”

“Of course, would you like to see it now?”

“If you would.”

Haxus pulled up a video feed on his datapad and turned it so Sendak could see.

It was Captain Lorak doing something at the exploded console on the bridge while a giant Galra woman of mixed heritage stood by, glowering with her arms crossed over her chest. The Captain was more delicately built than most Galra, lean and tall. He was dressed in full armor that accentuated his wide shoulders and narrow waist and he was wearing his helmet even in the middle of the pressurized ship. He pointed at something and another woman, also mixed, looked up at Sendak’s men milling around.

_“He says he needs a class F conduit breaker and a seventeen by thirty ion screwdriver.”_

Sendak’s men looked around at each other uncertainly.

 _“Well?”_ the smaller woman asked testily.

“He doesn’t speak?” Sendak asked.

“No, his engineer speaks for him. The small woman, Acxa. The big one is Zethrid.”

“You said there were four?”

Haxus pulled up a different video, this time it was Captain Lorak striding confidently through the halls of Sendak’s ship. He was still wearing his helmet and for some reason Sendak ached to see his face. There was a lithe woman with pink skin and a prehensile tail protruding from her head walking at his left shoulder while a strange woman in a hooded robe walked at his right.

 _“Ohh- weapons storage-”_ the pink woman said, moving to go towards the room.

Captain Lorak grabbed her by the arm and dragged her away, shaking his head.

“The pink one is Ezor, the thief. The other is Narti. She might be a telepath, she has no eyes but she seems to have no trouble seeing.”

“Did he never take off his helmet?” Sendak asked.

“No,” Haxus said. “They’re… an odd bunch to be sure. But what they did scared the Uq’ud into surrendering.”

“It would have scared me too,” Sendak said as he tried to smile. “What kind of crazy asshole opens a black hole in the middle of a battlefield?”

“Captain Lorak, apparently. Commander, perhaps you’d better rest. We’ll be on Daibazaal soon, I’ll come wake you.”

“Thank you, Haxus,” Sendak said, relaxing back against the pillows.

He was exhausted but he couldn’t fall asleep for a long time, wondering about Lotor, wondering about Captain Lorak. He felt oddly bereft and alone, his heart aching. He tightened his hand into a fist and felt the crystal cutting into his palm, and only then could he sleep.

 

* * *

 

Sendak hated his prosthetic. It looked impressive, to be sure. But it was _heavy_ , and it _itched_. Lotor could have done such a better job, but he was nowhere to be found and Sendak had no way of talking to him, no way of getting in touch. He’d really thought Lotor would have come when he’d heard what happened, and every day without him brought fresh disappointment. They’d had something, hadn’t they? They’d been close.

Sendak didn’t want to think that Lotor would forget about him once his infatuation faded, but he couldn’t help feeling like this was his own fault. He hadn’t been able to respond to his messages or gifts for at least three years now, but surely Lotor wouldn’t blame him for that? And it wasn’t as though he’d made it easy. He was impossible, infuriating, _gone_ and it broke Sendak’s heart in a way he didn’t like to consider.

He was so tired he could hardly enjoy any of the end-of-war festivities. He skipped as many of the feasts and fights as he dared to, choosing to stay curled up in bed instead.

Finally Haxus dragged him out of his rooms to go to the arena. For the past week Zarkon had been holding a tournament, a show of strength and pride in honor of the Uq’ud surrender. They sat in the cheap seats, close to the sand, and watched warriors going up against each other. Sendak found himself oddly disgruntled and bored through it all, right up until the final match.

The opponents entered the field to roaring applause. The first was a huge Galra with a double sided axe, Commander Ranveig from one of the outlying provinces. The other was unmistakable.

“Is that Captain Lorak?” Sendak asked, his eyes wide. He already knew the answer, it was him. He’d recognize his figure even without the distinctive armor he wore, black with accents of orange and blue.

“Yes,” Haxus grinned. “He’s been climbing the charts all week now.”

“You could have said sooner,” Sendak muttered, already enthralled and the fight hadn’t even begun.

The gong rang out, signaling the beginning of the match, and the two men paced around each other. Ranveig was the first to attack, as always, but Lorak was limber and spry, too fast for any of Ranveig’s hamfisted strikes. Sendak could already see how the match would go- Lorak would toy with Ranveig for awhile, let him grow weary, and then he’d go in for the kill.

It happened just as he’d expected, with the exception of Lorak’s showy acrobatic moves. He practically danced around the sand, leaping and flipping out of the way of Ranveig’s blunt attacks. It was a waste of energy, he was just showing off and the crowd ate it up and begged for more.

He drew it out much longer than he needed to, showboating shamelessly, and when he finally went on the offensive Ranveig didn’t know what hit him. He was left gasping on his back with Lorak’s foot on his chest and his blade at his throat. Ranveig let his arms drop to the sand in surrender and the crowd went wild.

Lorak basked in it for a few long minutes as Ranveig left the field, and then he raised his sword arm to hold his blade above his head, inviting further challengers.

The audience exploded in hoots and laughter. Sendak could see people elbowing each other, trying to goad their neighbors into challenging the man standing before them, but in the end no one dared. Lorak shrugged as if to say _oh well_ , and then he turned and pointed his sword right at Sendak.

“I think he’s challenging _you_ ,” Haxus said with a laugh.

“It can’t be,” Sendak said. But he could feel Lorak’s gaze on him even though he still wore his helmet, and then four people were standing around him. They threw back their cloaks and it was them- Lorak’s crew.

“He wants you,” Zethrid said with a grin.

“You won’t shrink from a challenge, will you?” Ezor asked.

“He’s waiting,” Acxa said.

The eyeless woman, Narti, just tilted her head, and somehow he could feel her _staring_ at him.

He could still refuse, he could claim he was recovering from his injury. He was the Commander who’d won the war, after all, no one would blame him. And yet-

Sendak stood slowly and the arena broke out in excited screaming.

He wasn’t in armor but he wasn’t worried. The fight wasn’t to the death, after all. And he still had Lotor’s pendant, he was still wearing the tunic he’d sent as a matter of habit, as well as the Luxite sword at his hip.

He made his way down to the sand and drew his sword, spinning it experimentally in his hand. Excitement raged through him, making his blood thrum. Lorak nodded to him graciously before the gong rang out and then he _lunged_.

Sendak wasn’t expecting it, he’d been expecting more of the same, more showing off, more acrobatics. But this time Lorak was serious and determined. Each move was precise and exact, no motion was wasted. He fought with the vicious brutality of the most seasoned Galra warrior, with the elegance and poise of the best Altean fencer. He moved fluidly through his forms, shifting easily between strength and agility, between pure power and trickery, and Sendak was breathless. It was all he could do to keep up, and then he gritted his teeth and went on the offensive.

He’d never felt this challenged before, this evenly matched. It was exhilarating and frightening and joyful and he wanted it to go on forever.

Lorak seemed to be slowing, flagging, but somehow Sendak knew it was just a trick. He gritted his teeth so he wouldn’t smile and just fought harder, putting all of himself into it now.

The shouting of the crowd was far away, as were his worries, his fears, his heartache. He felt strong and glorious and alive and he pushed himself harder than ever before during a non-lethal fight. Lorak could take it. He knew it instinctively, Lorak could take everything Sendak had to give and he didn’t have to hold back, didn’t have to worry about accidentally hurting him.

The match went on longer than should have been possible, but in the end Lorak twisted his blade around Sendak’s own, yanking it out of his hands, and then he pressed forward and shoved Sendak hard in the chest, bearing him down to the sand.

Sendak fell with a grunt, shocked as he looked up into Lorak’s face above him. His helmet was tinted darkly, but this close he could just make out the line of the man’s mouth- his lips curled up in a joyful smile. Lorak held his blade to Sendak’s throat and Sendak couldn’t help the laugh bubbling out of him as he let his hands drop to the sand, surrendering.

The crowd went wild and slowly the world started to filter back into his awareness. He realized Lorak was straddling him, realized Lorak’s left hand, the one not holding the sword, was pressed flat against his chest. Sendak’s heartbeat was fluttering wildly and heat was raging through him and he was- he was _hard_. He could just make out Lorak’s smile widening into a smirk as the smaller man rolled his hips suggestively, pressing his ass to Sendak’s erection.

Maybe it could have been an accident, except he did it again, slower, _harder_ , and then again.

Sendak gasped for breath, flushing. Everyone was _watching_ , and this crazy fucker, this Captain who’d saved him and his entire crew, was holding a blade to his throat and _grinning_ at him as he ground down against him and drove him wild. Lorak dragged his left hand slowly down Sendak’s body and for a second Sendak was sure he was about to grab his cock right here, in front of everyone, and then he pulled his blade back and stood.

He sheathed his sword and offered Sendak his hand and he took it without a second thought. Lorak hauled him up to his feet, so much stronger than his lithe frame would suggest, and then he bowed and left the pit as Sendak stared after him.

 

* * *

 

It was a struggle to get past his admirers in the audience but he made it to the arena locker rooms at last. He had to see Lorak again, he _had_ to.

The locker room was empty and he felt oddly frantic as he strode into the next section. He was so afraid that it was too late, but then he turned a corner to see Lorak putting away a communications device and the Captain looked up at him in surprise.

“Who are you?” Sendak demanded breathlessly as he advanced. He couldn’t stop himself, he needed to know so badly. “Who are you under that helmet? Take it off.”

Lorak moved as if to slip away but Sendak grabbed his wrist, yanking him back and shoving him against the lockers.

“Show me,” he said as Lorak stared up at him. Lorak’s chest was heaving and Sendak could see he was grinning, but that wasn’t enough, it wasn’t nearly enough. “Show me,” he repeated, raising his hands to the Captain’s helmet.

But Lorak grabbed him by the wrists and drew his hands down, pressed Sendak’s hands to his chest and pushed them lower, down his sides, down to his ass. Sendak gasped as he pressed his fingers into the taut flesh and pushed closer to force one of his thick thighs between Lorak’s legs. The Captain was hard too and he wrapped his arms around Sendak’s neck as he pressed closer, rutting up against him desperately, riding his thigh.

This was madness, Sendak had never done this before, not in public, not with a perfect stranger, but he moaned loudly all the same as Lorak dropped his hand to massage Sendak’s cock.

There was a sound like a door opening and they sprang back from each other in shock. Sendak looked over his shoulder fearfully, and when he looked back Captain Lorak was gone. His blood was boiling with desire, he needed- he just needed-

There was only one direction he could have gone and Sendak followed mindlessly. He went down a dark hallway to a fork in the corridor and paused, wondering-

Except when he turned his head he could see Lorak standing there to his right, waiting for him. The smaller man made a small gesture and then he was out of sight again and Sendak followed with the full knowledge that Lorak wanted him to.

He chased Lorak down for what felt like ages, and then he turned a corner and Lorak was there, grabbing him by the tunic and shoving him against a wall, dragging his hands up Sendak’s sides.

“I want to kiss you,” Sendak gasped. “Please, please let me-”

Lorak shook his head with a grin even as he moved to slide his hand down into Sendak’s pants.

“ _No_ ,” Sendak growled and took him by the wrist, pinning his hand behind his back and shoving him against the wall chest first. “Take it off, show me,” he hissed. Why was he being so impossible? Maybe he had scars he was ashamed of, maybe he was missing an eye, or worse- but Sendak had scars too and he wouldn’t be put off, he just need to _see_ -

Lorak laughed, low and deep, and when Sendak raised his hand to his helmet again he grabbed Sendak’s wrist and shoved his hand down, pressing it against his hard cock.

“Oh fuck,” Sendak moaned, grinding against Lorak’s ass as he couldn’t help squeezing his cock through his pants.

Lorak groaned and braced himself on the wall, pushing into Sendak’s touch.

“Oh fuck,” Sendak managed again, “you’re so- _fuck_.”

He forgot about the helmet, forgot about everything as he fumbled with the latches of Lorak’s pants, shoving them open at last to take hold of his hard cock. He kicked the man’s legs open wider as he started stroking him, grinding his erection against him.

Lorak was so responsive to his touch, gasping and moaning unabashedly as he fought to thrust into Sendak’s hand.

 _“Stay_ ,” Sendak growled and Lorak stilled with a whimper, trembling as Sendak stroked him. He wanted to fuck him so badly, he wanted him here, now, in this corridor. But he couldn’t, for so many reasons he couldn’t. This would have to be good enough. “That’s good,” Sendak whispered and Lorak jerked with a helpless moan. “That’s right,” Sendak continued on a hunch, “you’re so good for me, look at you.”

Lorak was practically sobbing as he fought to keep his hips still, as he fought to keep standing.

“ _Fuck_ , you’re so hot,” Sendak continued. “The way you defeated me- I’ve never been so turned on in my life. You’re amazing, you’re perfect. Come for me, come on baby, you can do it- come for me now, you’re so close, I can feel you- I want to feel you.”

Lorak made a loud desperate sound, like a moan, like a whimper, like a gasp all rolled into one, and then his cock pulsed and he was coming against the wall and Sendak didn’t even need to touch himself to follow, he just kept stroking Lorak through it, whispering encouragement to him, whispering about how amazing he was.

And then it was over and Sendak was suddenly struck with shame, with shock at what the _fuck_ he was doing here. He pulled his hand away from Lorak’s cock to brace himself on the wall, fighting to catch his breath.

Lorak got his bearings faster than he did, tucking his dick away and zipping his pants up before turning to face Sendak at last.

“Show me your face,” Sendak breathed out. “Please.”

But Lorak just grinned and shook his head before ducking under Sendak’s arm and walking away as if nothing had happened and Sendak stared after him, lost and confused, before he finally managed to do up his own pants and return to his rooms.

There was a message waiting for him and he opened it to hear-

 _“Hello, Sendak,”_ Lotor said, sounding out of breath and victorious.

 _“I saw your fight- what a shock to see you defeated by such a wisp of a man. I suppose it’s true what they say, size isn’t everything.”_ He laughed, wild and breathy.

_“I must say, your prosthetic is a disgrace. If it were up to me I’d have the one who designed it flogged for their incompetence. Don’t worry, Sendak- I’ll have something better for you soon.”_

_“Sleep well.”_

Sendak closed the message with a shudder as he brought his hand up to grip his pendant, feeling ashamed all over again. Lotor hadn’t forgotten about him, even after months of silence he hadn’t forgotten. And here he was, fumbling around with some stranger in a hallway while-

But what did it matter? Lotor wasn’t here, he was off somewhere having his adventures in the universe, exploring and making friends and being a menace. And all he had was Captain Lorak, who had come to his aid in the nick of time, who was all too eager for a handjob after a fight and yet refused to show Sendak his face.

He felt suddenly small and lost and alone, not knowing what he wanted. All he knew for sure was that he wanted more than what he had.

 

* * *

 

By morning Captain Lorak had already left with his ship and Sendak was floundering and alone again.

He was informed that Emperor Zarkon intended to award him a medal of valor after the battle with the Uq’ud and it made him sick to his stomach with guilt. He went to Zarkon’s rooms and fought not to wring his hands as he waited to be let in.

The door opened to a familiar scene, Zarkon drinking whiskey as he sat in a lounge chair by the fire.

“What can I do for you, Commander Sendak?” Zarkon asked with a slow smile.

“I don’t deserve a medal,” he said as he stepped into the room. “If it were up to me we’d all be dead. If it weren’t for you sending Captain Lorak to our aid, the war would be lost.”

“Hmm,” Zarkon hummed thoughtfully. “Yes, I’ve read the report. He was… quite spectacular, wasn’t he? Reckless and foolish, but spectacular all the same.”

“Who is he?” Sendak asked, needing to know. He’d tried looking the man up but there were only a few scattered reports here and there. Lorak had shown up to a distress signal at Omega Shield Station and saved the colony from destruction. He’d arrived in the nick of time at Naxzela when the terraforming technology malfunctioned and threatened to destroy the entire sector. He’d restored a dying Balmera, he’d rescued the inhabitants of Taujeer when their planet was melting down around them and their transports failed in the suddenly acidic atmosphere.

There were a few more minor sightings, small things like where he’d resupplied, or where he’d traded Xanthorium for energy crystals, or where he was rumored to have destroyed a bandit outpost.

Other than that- nothing.

“I suppose he is whoever he wishes to be,” Zarkon said with a cryptic smile. “If you won’t accept a medal I can’t force it on you. But I hope you’ll at least accept my son’s latest gift.”

“What?” Sendak asked in surprise.

“It arrived just this morning, see for yourself.” Zarkon motioned towards a table, and a large crate resting upon it.

Sendak opened it slowly. Even though he already knew what would be inside he still gasped in wonder. It was beautiful and glorious, powerful even as it lay lifeless in the crate. An arm, made out of that same material Lotor had made his tunic and sword from, Luxite.

“It is quite fine, isn’t it? We can have you in surgery tomorrow, if you like it.”

“It’s beautiful,” Sendak said slowly. “Yes, I- yes.”

“Very good,” Zarkon said.

When Sendak turned to look at him Zarkon was considering him thoughtfully. “When will he return?” Sendak asked.

“When he wishes to,” Zarkon said with a shrug. “I hope sometime soon.”

 

* * *

 

The arm Lotor had designed for him was just as glorious as it had looked. It was lighter than the one he’d had before, nearly as light as his flesh arm. In its dormant state it was almost as sensitive as the other, and as he trained with it Sendak quickly gained the ability to shift it into nearly any form he liked- a blade, a whip, even an energy weapon.

He felt unworthy and yet he couldn’t let it go.

There were no more messages from Lotor, no more gifts. Sendak grew weary of sitting idle on Daibazaal and asked to be returned to his post.

He patrolled the Empire with his fleet, fighting bandits and pirates, giving assistance where it was needed. And yet he felt oddly empty in a way he’d never felt before.

He couldn’t help counting the days- four months since Daibazaal, six months since Lorak, seven years since he’d seen Lotor last.

He felt as though he was waiting for something, he felt as though he couldn’t quite draw a deep breath, couldn’t quite sleep for the way his heart thrummed.

And then he received a message from Daibazaal- Prince Lotor was inviting all the best Galra fighters to take part in a tournament in honor of his wedding.

For a few hours after he’d first read it he couldn’t hear anything past the ringing in his ears. Lotor was getting married.

Why should he be surprised? It had been so long, no doubt he’d finally found someone he loved more than his childish crush on Sendak. He hadn’t seen him in years, not even in pictures, but he’d heard his voice, he knew Lotor would be strong and beautiful, he knew anyone would be lucky to have him.

He didn’t want to go.

But he had to, he’d been invited specifically. If he didn’t go it would be an insult to Prince Lotor and that was the last thing Sendak wanted. He turned his fleet home and returned to his rooms in the palace, half expecting to find a message from Lotor waiting for him, half expecting to hear his warm voice saying-

_“Hello, Sendak.”_

But there was no message. He could have contacted Sendak any time he wanted, but he hadn’t. Sendak’s rooms felt suddenly cold and dark in a way they never had before, and the night before the tournament he found himself getting drunk alone, clutching desperately at the pendant he wore around his neck.

He was hungover in the morning, but that was alright. He didn’t need to win, what would be the point? At least he’d get to see Lotor.

Sendak was the last to arrive at the arena, the last to line up with the other contestants on the sand as he waited, staring up at the imperial box. When the gong rang he winced, his heart thrumming with anticipation, but it was Emperor Zarkon entering alone.

He spoke and Sendak found it hard to focus, to pay attention to anything at all. He vaguely marked the prizes Zarkon described- the ten semi-finalists would receive a handsome sum of money, the three finalists would receive a flagship for their fleet designed by Prince Lotor himself. Prince Lotor would announce the grand prize at the end of the tournament, and only to the winner.

What did it matter? Sendak just wanted to curl up in bed and be left alone.

His pride didn’t allow him to lose any of the matches that day, or for the three following. It wasn’t until the fourth day that he realized Captain Lorak was there, competing too. They hadn’t spoken since that day in the corridor, in fact they’d never spoken at all.

Sendak wasn’t sure if he was happy or sad at the man’s presence, mostly he was distraught over Lotor’s absence. After all this time, he’d really wanted to just- _see_ him. Just to speak to him, to thank him for everything he’d done, for his messages, to see if he was alright.

He made it into the semi-finals, and then the finals, and he took no joy in any of it.

Finally he found himself in the last fight, and he was shocked to see Captain Lorak walking out onto the field even though he shouldn’t have been. He’d been there all along, Sendak had just been too lost in his own thoughts to see him.

Lorak bowed to him before the match began and Sendak bowed back.

He flinched a little as the gong rang out and got into his fighting stance. He knew without a doubt that Lorak would defeat him, he had before when he was feeling his strongest, and now he was just- _tired_.

He could see Lorak smiling at him as he raised his sword. Sendak just wanted it to be over. He wanted to be defeated so Lorak could win his prize and Sendak could go home and lick his wounds.

Sendak lunged, and as he moved closer Lorak casually tossed his sword to the sand.

Sendak’s eyes widened in shock and panic. Lorak was just _standing there_ , waiting, and it was all Sendak could do to twist his sword up, to drop it before he could land a killing blow. But he couldn’t stop his momentum and he gasped as he grabbed Lorak’s chestplate with his left hand and drove them both down into the sand.

Lorak grunted quietly as Sendak’s weight fell on him, raising his hands to hold Sendak tight by the shoulders.

Murmurs of shock and confusion rolled through the crowd but Sendak didn’t hear them, his mind was blank as he stared down at the man under him. Lorak let his body grow slack underneath him, surrendering, and that was- it was-

This was-

“Lotor?” Sendak whispered as everything fell into place.

He knew it was him, he _knew_ it. He didn’t even need the confirmation of Lotor slowly lowering his hands to pull off his helmet.

 _Gods_ but he was- he was magnificent. A man grown, and so beautiful, so strong, so perfect in every way and- Sendak could hardly breathe as he stared down into Lotor’s purple eyes, memories thundering through him. He’d- they’d-

It had been him all along, he’d always been there, whenever Sendak had most needed him he’d been there.

“Hello, Sendak,” Lotor said, smiling up at him.

There was a small scar under his eye, and his eyelashes were so long and lush, and his cheekbones so sharp and well-formed. His lips- Sendak could get lost in his lips for ages, forever. Lotor smiled widely, revealing his sharp canines, and Sendak forced himself to look up at him, look into his eyes.

Lotor let his arms fall down to the sand in surrender and Sendak didn’t know what the crowd was doing now, he didn’t care.

“What’s the grand prize for the tournament?” he asked dumbly.

Lotor smirked.

“Me,” he said.

Sendak couldn’t quite catch his breath at that, at the invitation in Lotor’s gaze.

“I thought you said you wanted to kiss me?” Lotor asked with a laugh, arching his brow.

“But they’re watching,” Sendak whispered.

“Let them,” Lotor said.

Sendak couldn’t stop himself at that, couldn’t help cradling Lotor’s face and leaning closer, pressing his lips to his.

Lotor was so hot against him, so pliant and welcoming. Sendak’s eyes fluttered shut as Lotor wrapped his arms around his neck and pulled him closer. It was amazing, it was the best kiss he’d ever had.

There was a faint roaring in his ears and slowly he realized that wasn’t him, that was the crowd. He jerked back in shock even as Lotor laughed beneath him.

It was difficult but he forced himself to stand and offered Lotor a hand up. They stood hand in hand as everyone cheered and Sendak was blushing so hard he felt like he might catch fire at any moment.

“Wait,” he said, his brain catching up to him at last. “Wait- if this tournament was in honor of your wedding- who are you marrying?”

“You,” Lotor said easily, his eyes sparkling wickedly. “If you’ll have me.”

“Yes,” Sendak said, his heart so full of joy he thought it might burst. “Yes.”

 

* * *

 

Their engagement was announced in grand fashion for everyone to hear while all Sendak could do was blush. As soon as they left the pit they were immediately swept away by admirers, family members, others. Sendak suffered a particularly terrifying moment when he felt Zarkon’s heavy hand land on his shoulder as the Emperor glared down at him meaningfully without saying anything at all.

The rest of the evening passed in a daze and before he knew it Sendak was alone in his rooms without quite knowing how he’d gotten there.

It was late, past midnight, and his whole body was shaking with excitement and he felt like he was waiting for something but he didn’t realize what it was until he heard the knock on his door, oddly timid.

He went to open it and it was Lotor standing on his doorstep, of course it was. He was barefoot with his hair falling loose and long down his back, wearing only a dark silk robe and Sendak knew instinctively he was naked underneath. His nostrils flared as he smelled Lotor’s desire, his arousal, and he grabbed Lotor roughly by the wrist to drag him inside the room.

“Lotor,” Sendak said breathlessly as he pushed Lotor up against the wall, taking his mouth in a bruising kiss. “How did you-”

 _“Sendak,”_ Lotor moaned, arching against him, opening his legs for him.

It was so much, too much, and Sendak couldn’t help pressing closer, sliding his hands down to the backs of Lotor’s thighs to haul him up. Lotor wrapped his legs around Sendak’s hips easily, eagerly, and let out a sound of pure desperation that went right to Sendak’s cock.

“Lotor,” Sendak whispered. “You’re- how did you- you’re so-”

Lotor tightened his grip around his neck and moaned against his mouth and it was bliss, it was agony, it was everything he’d ever wanted.

He couldn’t stop running his hands over Lotor’s body, his chest, his sides, his legs. Lotor was hard against him, he could _feel_ it, and he pulled the robe open even as Lotor yanked his shirt up and off. The feeling of their chests pressed together drove him wild, they were so close, they were together at last, and he slipped a hand down to grab Lotor’s ass, to press closer-

“You’re slick,” Sendak said in wonder as he caressed Lotor’s entrance. “Did you- did you prepare yourself before you came here?” The thought of it alone filled him with unbearable heat, the thought of Lotor pushing slick fingers inside himself, stretching himself out, writhing alone in bed before getting dressed and just- walking through the halls like that, walking to meet him.

“Yes,” Lotor said with a laugh. “Yes, I- I wanted-”

“Don’t do it again,” Sendak growled, running his fingers over him, pushing inside him gently just to feel the way he opened and gave in. “From now on I’ll watch you do it or I’ll do it myself, don’t take this from me.”

“Yes, Sendak,” Lotor breathed out, digging his fingers into his back and pushing his face against the side of his neck.

“Did you do it properly, little Prince?” Sendak asked, pushing two of his thick fingers inside as Lotor gasped and moaned. He curled his fingers up and Lotor keened with pleasure, his back arching helplessly. “Are you sure you’re ready?”

“Please,” Lotor whispered. “Sendak, _please-_ I’ve waited so long, wanted you so badly-”

“I’ve got you,” Sendak said, fighting to open his pants. He took Lotor firmly by the hips as he lined himself up, and then he lowered Lotor onto his cock as Lotor gasped against his neck. He was so hot, so tight, Sendak could barely breathe. The feeling of Lotor around him, taking his cock, was overwhelming and he had to pause even as Lotor started shifting restlessly against him, trying to get more even though he had no leverage while Sendak was keeping him pressed up against the wall.

Sendak fucked into him, thrusting slowly, even as his ears burned at Lotor’s wanton moaning, at the way he dug his claws helplessly into Sendak’s back. “That’s it, my love,” he whispered, “that’s it, you’re so good for me, you’re always-”

He couldn’t take it anymore, he wrapped his arms around Lotor’s narrow waist, deceptively delicate, and stepped back from the wall, carrying him over to the bed even as Lotor tightened his legs and fought to grind down on him. They both groaned as Lotor’s back hit the sheets and Sendak bent over him, fucking him hard and fast like they both wanted.

Lotor could take it, he could take anything Sendak gave him and that knowledge made his head spin.

“Sendak!” Lotor cried out, arching his back and throwing his head back against the sheets, his hair wild around him.

Sendak was so close to losing control but he wanted to feel Lotor coming first, wanted to feel him helpless and overwhelmed. He slipped his hand down to Lotor’s cock, stroking him firmly in time with his thrusts, and he nearly came just from the way Lotor’s breath caught in his throat, the way he tightened around him with pleasure.

“Come on,” he growled, “Lotor, _please-_ ”

Lotor came with a sharp bit-off gasp and then his body was pulsing around Sendak and he was trembling, they both were, and Sendak couldn’t hold on any longer. He groaned into Lotor’s neck, biting his shoulder sharply as he felt his own orgasm take him. He had to close his eyes against it, it was the best thing he’d ever felt, it was the only thing he knew in that moment- Lotor under him, holding him, desperate for him.

He didn’t know what he’d done to deserve this but he wouldn’t question it, he’d just hold on for dear life for as long as Lotor wanted him.

Sendak was brought back to awareness by Lotor’s breathless laughter and he looked up into the prince’s joyful eyes. Lotor reached out to brush his shaking hands over Sendak’s face, dragging him in for a kiss as Sendak pulled out with a gasp.

“You’re impossible,” Sendak breathed out, pulling away so he could climb onto the bed. Lotor followed and curled his hands into the fur over his chest, pressing closer.

“ _I_ am?” Lotor asked with another laugh. “What about you? For three years you couldn’t manage to answer a single call?”

“It’s not even remotely the same,” Sendak said, stroking Lotor’s hair even as he couldn’t believe this was happening. “I can’t believe you. I can’t believe you’d-”

“Believe it, Sendak,” Lotor said with a smirk. “You’re mine now, just like I wanted. I always get what I want, my love. Get used to it.”

  


_fin._

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr at [barbitone](http://barbitone.tumblr.com/) and pillowfort also at [barbitone](https://www.pillowfort.io/barbitone)


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